Woke up this morning from a bad dream. The dream had to do with my self doubt, brought on by the event of absurd decisions made by other people. Their decisions were out of my control and their reasonings suggest that I’m not only to blame but that there is some thing fundamentally wrong with me. What makes this dream particularly bad is that it was nothing more than dream created in my own mind. It was delusional and self inflicted and obviously not by conscious intension. However, the lasting emotional effect incurred by this dream did not recede upon my awakening once I became cognizant that it was only a dream. These are the dreams (better to use the word nightmares) that can have devastating effect on my self morale and have a eroding effect on my awaking life. However, now that I’m awake I have to reconcile with feelings about myself and the truth beyond the dream.

Feelings brought on by a dream are real even though the dream is not.

My dream took place in a barn. After having drawn up storyboards for a director I was informed by the producer that I had been fired from the job. When I asked why, the producer told me it was because I didn’t draw chickens in the storyboard that was about a barn. When I suggested that I could easily revise them. The producer told me that the director didn’t want to work with me because he can’t work with anyone that would conceive of drawing a barn without chickens. In the dream, the barn I was in, there where no chickens.

Now isn’t this silly?