recently my head has been in the clouds.
Less
More
Archive for May, 2007
Many years ago, I was riding the train downtown. I had my bongos. I was on my way to Tomkin’s Square Park to drum. It was one of those tough times. I ran out of money for school. I was disillusioned. I felt discouraged that I couldn’t practice my art, which I thought was film. Didn’t have the resources. I had fiddled with photography as an alternative. But it to required financial resources I didn’t have. I got on to this train in a bad head.
When I sat down and began to tap on my drums. An old black man across from me made a drumming gesture. He smiled and said, “I can tell, you play music for a living… you’re a musician.” I said, “Naaa, man I’m just learning bongos. I’ve been playing for about two years.” He smiled and said, “you’re good… well I bet you’re an artist. You draw? You take pictures?… What do you do?” I didn’t feel to good about my self. I replied, “I can draw a little and I take pictures too… but… I’m not an artist. I want to make films but I’m poor.” I continued, “I’ve been playing bongos in the subways with my bongo teacher to make a little money. But I’m poor!” The old man shook his head, “You’re not poor! Man… You’re rich! You’re rich… You can draw, take pictures and play music. You’re rich man. Times maybe tough but you’re a man of wealth, and all the money in the world can’t buy what you got. Nobody can take that away from you!”
His words changed my life.
When I am alone, I walk the streets. I am a voyeur. I was born and raised in NYC and the city’s grit is its beauty for me. This city is tough and often unforgiving. As a teenage kid I had some difficult times. I didn’t like my options and one summer a few nights I chose to sleep in the streets. I was down and out. It’s difficult to find a comfortable spot to rest your head. It’s even more difficult to find a comfortable spot in your head. You close your eyes and ask, “am I safe?”
I’m right handed so I must of taken this picture with my left. I have a vague memory when I was about 3 or 4 I was asked are you right handed or left. I said I don’t know? I was told to just choose one cause the teachers were trying to engage us in some sort of activity that involved painting or drawing. So I chose the right one.
I often think what if something was to happen to my right hand. Like if it got chopped off. I make my living with my right hand. knowing that it’s a choice I do not worry. I would just start to use my left hand.
I’ve worked as a storyboard artist for over 10 years and still every time I start to draw anything, I always have to face my fear. The fear comes in varying degrees. I experience some sense of fear at just about the start of every creative endeavor. Particularly ones in which I plan to use what ever it is that I’m creating to exemplify my skill or sense of aesthetic. Hence, things that I plan on presenting and or things that will in essence represent me.
This fear is very much the same fear that I’ve mentioned in a previous blog on brainless activities. However, although this fear is similar in that it is an extension of, “fear of a bad result,” it’s different cause this fear has nothing to do with indecision. In this instance, I know what I’m setting out to do. It is more about confidence and belief in my capabilities to actually achieve and bring to life the vision in my head. So the stakes are high and there is a very real possibility of failure.
Since failure is a real possibility, and this fear is deeply routed in it. The best solution has to be a willingness to accept failure. Not such a nice concept in it’s self. But! It’s a good start and starting is what this fear is great at inhibiting. If I can accept failure as a characteristic just as important and nessary as being kind, failing will lose it’s power and this fear will diminish and I will be free to try again.
This shot of my grand father Pete Korelich, I took in his record mastering studio in Hollywood Ca. He was once a rocket scientist who came up with the idea for the heat seaking missile and then led the team of engineers to create it. Too bad he was an employee of a larger corporation so he didn’t hold the patton cause I’d be rich. Well I don’t think he liked that work anyway cause he left it and then eventually opened a record pressing company. He also mastered and produced records. Mostly tajana music before he died. He was born in Yugoslavia and moved to Mexico when he was 7. I have a few records from the jazz drummer Roy Porter that he syndicated on one of his record labels Vistone Records. They are really cool and one is even a Hip Hop album.
I’ve always loved this wall. It’s probably over a hundred years old. And this night we all seemed to just gravitate towards it. I wanted to capture the wall, the light and the company I was in. So I lined us up, one after the other and took photos. I was photographed too. Nothing like getting shot in front of an old wall. The players included, Adam and friend, Quigley, Maxwell, the lovely Giada and Alex Daniel
Was sitting in Soho all afternoon… hoping… that I’d run into someone that would change my life. Then I realized I was already sitting with this person. So I went home.
I’m very happy. A box set of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s films have just been released on DVD. It’s been a long time over do. The titles include, “Fando Y Lis”, “El Topo”, and my favorate “The Holy Mountain”
“The Holy Mountain” is a special gem. This film is a visual trip into the fools journey. A man’s internal struggle between his egotistical self, seduced by intoxicants of the flesh and his desire to obtain a union between his metaphysical self, his body and his environment.
The first 35 minutes of this film is with out diologue. Until we hear Jodorowsky him self as the alchemist deliver it, “Do you want gold?”
Seductive and hypnotic you will be transformed!
This is not a car-bomb!